Valentine's Day: A Self-Love Reflection

I feel like we can all agree that Valentine’s Day is one of those “Hallmark Holidays.” There’s no real deep tradition and it’s a generic holiday that isn’t tied to any particular religion or culture. A day where you get to appreciate those that you love. Now granted, you should appreciate the ones you love everyday but it’s nice to do something a little extra every now and then. I’m a hopeless romantic and the idea of “love” is amazing but I also think that love can appear in so many different forms. I don’t love my brother the same way I love my son. I don’t love my dog the way I do my cousin. I’ve always hated that we didn’t have more words to describe all the different kinds of love that exists. Yes, Valentine’s day has been seen as purely a day for couples but you know what? Screw it! This year I was single for Valentine’s Day and honestly it didn’t bother me one bit. I’ve actually been single for over a year now and in that time I’ve learned so much about myself. Maybe it’s because I am getting older, wiser. Who knows? All I know is that I learned this year to finally love myself. So for Valentine’s day I celebrated ME!

Yes, that can come off sounding a bit narcissistic and self involved but I don’t care. I’ve spent the last three plus decades loathing the person I am. I’ve obsessed over every decision I’ve made, every imperfection I can pick out in the mirror. I’ve beaten myself down so many times throughout the years and have given every ounce of love I had to everyone else. I will thank quarantine for one thing. It made me hunker down and really, truly get to know myself and reflect on the life I’ve lived. I learned what makes me happy, what I truly need in life to feel complete and a partner is not one of them. I complete myself and you should too. Stop looking for someone to fill the You-shaped emptiness in your heart. I feel whole, empowered and ready to take on the world with a new perspective. You are worth everything you feel you deserve and when you are ready there will be someone out there for you. It’s like your an ice cold Coke, tasty, desirable. Once you find that perfect partner it’s like their the koozie supporting you. You don’t need the koozie, but it’s beneficial and comforting and prolongs your life. That probably made no sense, but hear me out. What I’m basically saying is that you complete you and anyone else that comes along the way is a bonus.

Learn to be comfortable with your thoughts. Tap into the deeper levels of you. A lot will happen when you do this, it’s not all pretty either but DAMN if you don’t feel better when you get to the other side! I did a lot of self-reflection this last year and pandemic or not, my life overall was very different. I had to learn to be alone again. I’ve always considered myself a very independent person. Doing things alone, whether scary or everyday never phased me. Growing up I learned to rely on myself so this shouldn’t have been any different. The thing that I think truly hit me was, why? Why am I here again alone? What the heck am I even looking for? What do I want? Why am I not happy? All of those answers were ME. I needed to finally realize who I am. Not who I am as a partner, or a mother, a student or a friend. I needed to really come to terms with who I am as me. Did I lose you?

I realized I’ve been playing a role all my life. Although genuine, the roles I played were to satiate those around me. I thought that if people were happy with me then I will be happy with me too. I neglected my true self and what I needed from life and those around me. I finally have clarity and I have learned to put my needs first. I can’t be everything for you if I can’t even be everything for myself. I used to lose myself to those around me. I felt empty even though I was surrounded by others. I constantly chose partners who would take from my cup and barely fill it. I allowed that to be ok because I had no self-worth. I didn’t know what I had to offer was precious.

So here we are alone on Valentine’s Day, not feeling an ounce of sadness or pity. I am happy for those who have found deep, meaningful, healthy relationships and I celebrate you! I also celebrate the people in my life that have truly supported me without expecting anything in return. This is a day of LOVE, every kind. If you are still on your journey I commend you for taking the initial steps. I want you to be proud of yourself, love yourself. You are worth it.

Happy Valentine’s Day <3

Shantece G.

Holiday Tree: February

Continuing my stubbornness of not wanting to take my pretty Christmas tree down, I decorated it for the month of February. As you may have guessed it, it is indeed a Valentine’s themed tree. I was so excited when I went to Michaels and saw all of the Valentine decorations. I even found heart shaped ornaments! Clearly I’m not the only lunatic who is still decorating their tree well into the new year. I wanted to make the tree look romantic not just plastic hearts everywhere. What could be more romantic than roses? I mean it’s a symbol of love and probably the most sold item that day! I guess I could have incorporated boxes of chocolates some how, but knowing myself they wouldn’t have lasted. Regardless, I set out to make this tree look elegant and not cheesy. I was really proud of how it came out and was excited to share it with the world!

I got everything from Michaels so if you are wanting to purchase anything you see on the tree there you go. The tree it's self was from Target. Here’s a link to my original post about it. Before going into the store I had no idea what I was going to put on top of the tree. I was like…. a big ass heart?…. maybe a cupid? I really had no clue what I was going to find, if anything at all. How many people really show out for Valentine’s Day? So I walked around Michaels just trying to get inspired, and let me tell you, as someone who doesn’t consider herself very creative or crafty, there is something about that place that makes you want to create something. I look at all of these supplies and spools of fabric and glitter and frames and think to myself… what can I make? Then I remember I have no patience for things that don’t come natural to me and that my many past attempts at being creative have ended up in total frustration and haphazard junk. Regardless, something about this store just gets those juices flowing. When I saw the giant rose, which turned out to be my tree topper, I fell in love. No pun intended. I knew it had to be the topper. There were two different sizes and I went with the larger size, cause bigger is better right? Once I had picked out the ginormous rose I had the idea to grab some plastic roses so that I could weave them throughout the tree. This was that delicate romantic touch that I was looking for. To my surprise, they had ornaments for Valentine’s day so that was an easy grab. I also found these heart shaped doilies, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get them on the tree but I loved how elegant they looked with the lacey pattern and the inscribed “love.” I also found these loose glitter hearts that came in different sizes. They didn’t have any way to attempt to hang them on the tree but I knew that it would look great sprawled across the bottom. It just gave it that extra oomph to make the tree go from oooh to aaahhh. The red blanket I already had in my home.

So the weekend leading up to the start of February, I went to work removing the January themed ornaments and began decorating the tree with the new theme. Now here’s where I got into a pickle. I recently adopted a kitten… more on that in another post. Well I never really had a kitten before and although I have seen many Facebook videos of cat’s fascination with Christmas trees, the thought had never crossed my mind. I mean the tree had been up already with my MLK/BLM decorations when I brought the kitten home. The tree didn’t seem to phase him. It wasn’t until I began to take the decorations down that I think he finally noticed it. It started off with him just kicking around and chasing an ornament I had placed on the floor. Well this playfulness turned into a major problem once I started putting the new ornaments up. The kitten was hell bent on ensuring that he knock each and every one of them down. I had to constantly fling him off the tree. Something that would have taken me about an hour to do suddenly became an epic battle of Man VS Cat. About two or so hours later, I finally had the tree up. I gave up and let the cat play/destroy the old ornaments I had taken down to occupy him while I finished the current task. The tree was done and it looked amazing. I was really proud of myself. Knowing that it was completely possible that the tree was never going to look as good as it did in that moment I started to take pictures. Thank Buddha that I did because the series of events that would unfold in the next few days would not have made it possible to share my work with you all. The damn CAT! He was obsessed with the tree. You would have thought it was a monolith of catnip or something! He could not leave it alone. It started with just kind of tussling with the glitter hearts that were at the bottom, then knocking down a few of the low hanging ornaments. But this wasn’t enough for him, no, he wanted it ALL! I started finding him inside the tree! Eventually I came home to this…..

The tree was destroyed. The cat has won the war. I was both pissed and relieved that it was over. I was exhausted from constantly shooing the cat out of the tree, coming home to ornaments strewn across the floor. I was a little disappointed that I had to make the decision to just cut my losses and finally put the tree away. I had so many great ideas for the rest of the months, and this tree had not even lasted a week. I knew I didn’t have the patience to keep dealing with the cat’s obsession. I knew I would just grow more frustrated with the situation and decorating the tree would not be enjoyable anymore. So sadly, I bid adieu to my endeavor. It was nice while it lasted.

Shantece G.