Valentine's Day: A Self-Love Reflection
I feel like we can all agree that Valentine’s Day is one of those “Hallmark Holidays.” There’s no real deep tradition and it’s a generic holiday that isn’t tied to any particular religion or culture. A day where you get to appreciate those that you love. Now granted, you should appreciate the ones you love everyday but it’s nice to do something a little extra every now and then. I’m a hopeless romantic and the idea of “love” is amazing but I also think that love can appear in so many different forms. I don’t love my brother the same way I love my son. I don’t love my dog the way I do my cousin. I’ve always hated that we didn’t have more words to describe all the different kinds of love that exists. Yes, Valentine’s day has been seen as purely a day for couples but you know what? Screw it! This year I was single for Valentine’s Day and honestly it didn’t bother me one bit. I’ve actually been single for over a year now and in that time I’ve learned so much about myself. Maybe it’s because I am getting older, wiser. Who knows? All I know is that I learned this year to finally love myself. So for Valentine’s day I celebrated ME!
Yes, that can come off sounding a bit narcissistic and self involved but I don’t care. I’ve spent the last three plus decades loathing the person I am. I’ve obsessed over every decision I’ve made, every imperfection I can pick out in the mirror. I’ve beaten myself down so many times throughout the years and have given every ounce of love I had to everyone else. I will thank quarantine for one thing. It made me hunker down and really, truly get to know myself and reflect on the life I’ve lived. I learned what makes me happy, what I truly need in life to feel complete and a partner is not one of them. I complete myself and you should too. Stop looking for someone to fill the You-shaped emptiness in your heart. I feel whole, empowered and ready to take on the world with a new perspective. You are worth everything you feel you deserve and when you are ready there will be someone out there for you. It’s like your an ice cold Coke, tasty, desirable. Once you find that perfect partner it’s like their the koozie supporting you. You don’t need the koozie, but it’s beneficial and comforting and prolongs your life. That probably made no sense, but hear me out. What I’m basically saying is that you complete you and anyone else that comes along the way is a bonus.
Learn to be comfortable with your thoughts. Tap into the deeper levels of you. A lot will happen when you do this, it’s not all pretty either but DAMN if you don’t feel better when you get to the other side! I did a lot of self-reflection this last year and pandemic or not, my life overall was very different. I had to learn to be alone again. I’ve always considered myself a very independent person. Doing things alone, whether scary or everyday never phased me. Growing up I learned to rely on myself so this shouldn’t have been any different. The thing that I think truly hit me was, why? Why am I here again alone? What the heck am I even looking for? What do I want? Why am I not happy? All of those answers were ME. I needed to finally realize who I am. Not who I am as a partner, or a mother, a student or a friend. I needed to really come to terms with who I am as me. Did I lose you?
I realized I’ve been playing a role all my life. Although genuine, the roles I played were to satiate those around me. I thought that if people were happy with me then I will be happy with me too. I neglected my true self and what I needed from life and those around me. I finally have clarity and I have learned to put my needs first. I can’t be everything for you if I can’t even be everything for myself. I used to lose myself to those around me. I felt empty even though I was surrounded by others. I constantly chose partners who would take from my cup and barely fill it. I allowed that to be ok because I had no self-worth. I didn’t know what I had to offer was precious.
So here we are alone on Valentine’s Day, not feeling an ounce of sadness or pity. I am happy for those who have found deep, meaningful, healthy relationships and I celebrate you! I also celebrate the people in my life that have truly supported me without expecting anything in return. This is a day of LOVE, every kind. If you are still on your journey I commend you for taking the initial steps. I want you to be proud of yourself, love yourself. You are worth it.
Happy Valentine’s Day <3
