College Grandma — Beauty is a Beast

The Beginning

Growing up I was told you have to do well in school, get good grades and go to college. I was a great student, always making honor roll and doing AP courses in high school. It was a no brainer for me that I was going to continue my education beyond high school like everyone told me I should do. So I graduated high school and that's exactly what I did. I went straight to college (The City College of NY, to be exact). I entered college wanting to be a graphic designer/Web developer at first because of the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights starring the swoon worthy Josh Hartnett. I had never really done anything like that, but I've always had an interest in different types of media. At the time I was not living at home and had to make ends meet full time while also going to school full time which was hard. After 3 semesters I couldn't afford the art supplies I need for my classes and I decided to switch majors (Secondary Science Education). I lasted another semester before I dropped out, got pregnant and moved to Florida. Never did I ever imagine not finishing college. I kept telling myself that I was going to find a way to get back and as the years went by I still did believe I was going to go back one day.

18 yr old me without a care in the world.

Take 2

My second attempt at college occurred while I was living in North Carolina. At that point I had two kids under the age of 3 and still having to make ends meet, but I felt I still could find the time to go to school. Online college was becoming a thing and I thought it was the best fitting situation for someone like me. I "attended" Western Governors University and bombed sooooo hard at it. I didn't realize the workload I was up against and how much harder it was with work and a family. I failed all my classes and really thought the chance of going back to school was over for me. I still had the desire but at that point I just felt like it was never going to happen. Fast forward to joining the Navy. Some of the perks of being in the military is that they definitely have a lot of different ways to help you get the degree of your dreams. I have a friend who is currently in and getting a doctorate! With 4 semesters of school already under my belt, I decided to at least complete an associates degree in Liberal Arts and Science. I did exactly that and in March 2016 I got my associates degree from Excelsior College. Once I completed my contract with the Navy I knew that I needed to go back to school and pursue an actual career. I had joined the Navy because I was tired of working "jobs." So I wanted to make sure that I didn't go through all that time to end up exactly where I had started. So August 2016 I entered the University of Kansas as a brick and mortar student.

And so it begins... again

I hadn't been in actual school in so long. I was 30's old, what was I thinking going back to school? That's how I felt, especially because I had finally decided on what I wanted to do with my life and my science heavy curriculum requirements hadn't been met through my previous attempts at school. I was starting from the beginning all over again. I was eager and ready to learn and was excited to be in the rapture of academia. I always liked school, but this time was different. I mean I'm not stupid or blind I knew I was going to be older than many of the people in my classes, but I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal. The difference a generation gap makes! I was sitting in lectures observing kids sleeping or watching Netflix on their laptops. I was baffled at how little they actually cared about the education they were getting and how ungrateful they seemed about even having this opportunity. I thought about when I was their age, did I have this much disregard for my future? Was I just that much more mature now? I couldn't figure it out, all I knew was that I didn't like it. They were annoying to me and I found nothing in common with them. Now despite my age, I like to think that I'm still pretty much in the know about what's going on in the world of pop culture and I don't think I look as old as I am, so I could get by with small talk. That was it though, besides being put into groups or having lab partners, I wasn't making any friends and I just felt awkward. I've seen a few "older" students in some sporadic classes of mine, but we were definitely the minority. I feel like the excitement I once had for going to school and meeting up with friends for coffee and late study sessions was gone. Now all I do is school. Every time someone asks me if I have plans, my answer is "homework" or "studying." I am facing a different difficulty on my third attempt at getting my degree. This issue is more social than academic. I guess the lack of friends = less distractions, but I feel like I am kind of missing out on finally having the full college experience. I'm already going into my 3rd year of school this fall, and time has flown right by so I guess this is just how it's going to be.

32 yr old me and my preccccciiioouusssssss (Gollum voice) coffee.

The End is Near

I didn't write this post to bum you out if you are considering going back to college and aren't basically under 21. I wanted to let people know that you can do it. You can try and try but if you are willing to not give up, you will find a way to finish that degree despite all odds. My post is more about expressing the many struggles I have had in my attempts to finish college. I found that each time there was some sort of obstacle in the way but I never let it stop me from what I knew in my heart was something I was determined to accomplish. Yes I am 32 yrs old now and yes I still have 2 more years before I see that magnificent piece of paper, but no matter what I will achieve it and you can too.

Shantece G.